Oh, Heart...

Does anybody remember the song "All I Want to Do Is Make Love to You" by the group Heart?  I had forgotten all about it, having not heard it in fifteen years or so until quite recently.  Strangely, next to the reggae remix of Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know," it seems to be the favorite song of Hawaii radio stations.  Take a moment to refresh with the music video, and really listen to the words:

Just so we're on the same page here, this is a song about having unprotected sex with hitchhikers to conceive the child that your husband couldn't give you.  Everyone got that?  Good.  Here are some other thoughts:

• All of the YouTube commenters were like, "oh, her poor cuckolded husband!"  Do you really not think the husband was in on it?  I think that if you've exhausted all of your baby-making options to the point where you're like, "Drifter?", a husband should be wise enough to know that any baby that comes out of his wife is not his. 
• On that note, I know it's the eighties and therefore not as medically-advanced, but were there really no other baby-making options?  Adoption?  Sperm donor?  Maybe it was like in LOST where Sun finds out that Jin is the infertile one but he's so prideful that he'll get super angry and start beating her, in which case, she should just leave him and run off with drifter-man permanently.
• I like how at the end of the video when the woman runs into the guy again (who is now wearing glasses, which means that he's gone legit) he seems all surprised that she has his baby.  Really?  Not only did you have unprotected sex with this strange woman, but the note she left didn't tip you off at all?  "You are the seed?" "We planted a tree?" Come on, guy.  
• If this woman knew anything about statistics, she'd know that 84% of hitchhikers are serial killers.  Maybe she got off scot-free, but that kid of hers probably has some latent serial killer genes, and we all know how much serial killers love their mothers.

Dear Heart, thank you for this life-changing piece of music with all of its clever (and not at all overt) euphemisms.  This is sarcastic, of course.  Next time you get the "inspiration" to write a song like this, just leave it Alone (get it?  Alone?).