I am getting into a bad habit of only blogging once a month. I mostly haven't blogged this month because I've been very stressed out about a lot of things. So today I'm going to blog about the things that are stressing me out. In other words, today I'm going to blog about grad school.
I'm at a very frustrating point in my academic career in that much of what I have to do depends on feedback and oversight from other people. And lately, a lot of this feedback and oversight has been either too little or too late. And while some other person would take this "lull" as a welcome break from the fast-paced world of constant writing and deadlines, I loathe it. I hate waiting and sitting on my hands and not knowing what I need to do or how to do things. For instance, I have to rewrite a proposal, yet I haven't gotten any specific guidance on what I need to rewrite. So I'm writing blindly, just for the sake of writing and having something to do, with no idea whether what I'm writing is good enough. I'm rewriting and resubmitting a different proposal (my grant from this summer), and that's almost done, but there the frustration lies in knowing that after I resubmit, there will still be months of waiting. And then there are other people. Other people that often exist as little more than email addresses that will, hopefully by some miracle, show up in your inbox any day now.
And then there's the weather. The sun is fleeting and warmth is something I've given up on. The entire city is a filthy puddle of mud and I can't imagine that it will get better anytime soon.
I know that in a month, and certainly by next fall, things will be easier and better and will feel more productive, but right now it sucks.
So I keep breathing. And keep writing.