Allow me to be selfish and unreasonable for six sentences:
I don't want to sound ungrateful. I know how incredibly fortunate I am to have gotten this fellowship, but sometimes, I just wonder why I couldn't have just gotten into a PhD program instead so I could stay here and everything could be the same. I don't want to leave, but I already told them I would, and I'm not stupid enough to turn it down, and it's only for a year, so I'll go. In that case, I demand that nothing change while I'm gone. I don't want to come back like an astronaut or Rip Van Winkle and find out that significantly more time has passed for everyone else than for me---that I've been replaced and forgotten---that I no longer fit in anywhere. I want a hiatus, not a cancellation.
There. Got that out of my system. Now I can go back to being legitimately excited about moving to Hawaii. (At least until my next emotional breakdown.)
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