The answer I usually give people is that I'm applying to some PhD programs that want scores more recent than the ones that I have.
Is that really why, though? Am I also trying to prove something? And if so, what? That I'm hard-working enough to study every weekend and get a really good score? That I was worthy to live in academically-oriented Boston? That I'm just as smart as all of my PhD-getting/having friends?
All of these doubts brought their friends, worries, along for the ride: what if my scores are only in the 90th percentile? What if I only get a 4.5 on the Analytical Writing? Will everyone I know just shake their heads and say, "wow...I thought you were better than that"?
I needed a new philosophy, a mantra, if you will. So here it is:
- My worth as a human being is not determined by my GRE scores.
- The people who liked/dated me in the past did not like/date me because of my GRE scores.*
- Similarly, people who currently like me will not stop liking me if I don't have amazing GRE scores (right?).
- Doing well on standardized tests is not an indicator of inherent intelligence.
- GRE scores are only a tiny portion of the grad school application. I think the 3.99 GPA from my Master's Program will be much more outstanding in the eyes of the admissions committees.
I will recite this mantra for the next three weeks, until I take the test, even if I don't believe it.
*This sentiment totally reminds me of the scene in "Center Stage" where Maureen shows up at Jim's house crying and asking, "how much of what you liked about me was because I was a ballet dancer, and how much was because I was me?" He just hugs her, but if I had written the movie, I would have had him say, "Oh honey, I didn't like the fact that you were a ballet dancer at all!"
If it makes you feel any better, I like you and your grades and GRE scores are about a billion times better than mine. Though I've never put too much weight to grades. I was always content with my b/b+ average. :-)
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