Pleasant Vices and Annoying Virtues

Since I'm working for the man government, I had to fill out this very, very long survey making a list of everyone I've ever met who could verify that I'm not a terrorist and answering a bunch of questions about whether I've been involved in any criminal activity, sold any drugs, took afternoon tea with any foreign spies, or chained myself to any trees chanting "We Shall Overcome."  As I was checking "No" to every single one of these questions, what I should have been thinking was, gee whiz, am I a brilliantly upstanding American!, but what I was actually thinking was, wow, is my life boring.

I know I'm supposed to "cherish virtue" and all, and I'm glad that I don't live a life riddled with scandal, but what will my kids think when I have no stories about my forays into sex, drugs, and rock and roll?  Just to prove that I'm not the straight-laced, buttoned-up, uptight square that I appear to be, I'm going to talk about my vices!

• I took up secondhand smoking for two weeks one time.  I was staying with this woman who smoked and riding to work with an in-car smoker.  At the end of the two weeks, I was kind of used to it, but it was definitely easy to quit.
• I'm a caffeine drinker.  No espressos or Red Bull or anything, but I do enjoy the sting of a cold Diet Coke traveling down my esophagus.
• Ooh--gluttony!  I know, I know, but Alex, you're so tiny and trim, you're thinking, but if there are brownies, I will eat them at a disproportionately quick rate.
• Hmm...what else?  I kissed a boy and I liked it?
• Sometimes I wear shirts twice before I wash them (but I guess that's water conservation, so...)?

Okay...my list of "vices" is pretty short.  This was the worst attempt to prove anything ever.  I eat my vegetables; I go to bed early; I listen to music at a reasonable volume; I'm probably going to die a virgin; I floss.  I guess I'm not that kind of girl, after all.