A Weird Thing

I don't sing in church anymore.  I don't just mean solos and special musical numbers (even though I did one of those once here and it was horrible and I did not feel good about it at all); I mean all singing.  Not even the congregational hymns.  I don't know why; it's not like I'm deliberately rebelling against something in church by staying silent.*  I just physically can't sing.  I can't even bring my mouth to open to let the music out.  It's almost as if something is holding me back.  Like I have wings, but can't spread them.  I can sing just fine in other venues (e.g., the shower or my living room to YouTube karaoke tracks), just not in church.

What's that all about?  And do you think it's permanent?



*Okay, I actually do do this during the hymn "Love at Home."  But come on, it's kind of insensitive to make people who don't have super happy eternal families sing this.

Tender Mercy Sunday

I used to live with this person that whenever I'd be complaining about something, she'd be like, "yes, but [bright side]!"  It was really irritating.  Just let me complain, okay?  But since this is the Sabbath, I figure I'll enumerate a few tiny tender mercies that happened today.

1. I slept in until 6:45 and was only woken up twice by some wrong 724 number and a text from some person in authority asking if I'd picked a song for Relief Society Musical Moment.*
2. I got a seat on the morning bus.  Usually it's packed with Chinese women who fill the empty seats with giant bags of produce, but not this morning.
3. Someone in charge of Honolulu Mormons decided that today was Fast Sunday, but nobody told me that, so I got to eat breakfast this morning and not feel bad about it.
4. Five people showed up for branch choir today.  That's infinitely more people than showed up the last time I attempted to hold a choir practice.**
5. The giant torrential downpour didn't start until I got off the bus heading home, so I only had to walk a block and a half in the most rain ever.  And I have a functional, non-coin-operated dryer wherein I could put everything I was wearing (except my shoes...but seriously...everything else was soaked...so, so much rain).

*aka My Calling that Nobody Cares About

**Any number is infinity times zero, right?  Or something with limits?  It's been like nine years since I've taken calculus, okay?

The Decision Process

I know the whole BU vs. Ohio State thing was supposedly the "easiest" decision of my life, but it didn't seem easy for me at times.  While my heart was screaming, "move back to Boston!" the rational side of me wanted to make sure I was making a good, objective decision.  So I made charts.

The Pro/Con list for BU.  Note the overwhelming advantage of the Pros.
And  despite Boston's many good qualities, it's true that Boston winters are f---ing horrible.

The Pro/Con list for Ohio State.  Don't worry, the fact that I would have had to find a new bank was not the major deciding factor.  I was just being thorough.

A side-by-side comparison of qualitative and quantitative factors of each place.
And yes, that is the phrase "for when I'm inevitably 31 and still single."

I believe the data speaks for itself, and thankfully, the data and my heart are in perfect agreement this time.

The "Big Reveal"

Okay, you've waited long enough.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I have picked a grad school.

Here's a hint:

If that's not enough of a hint for you to get it, please see me for Pop Culture Remediation 101.  But here it is: I will be spending the next five years of my life at:

...

...

...

Yep!  I'm going to BU for the PhD in Anatomy and Neurobiology (Anatomy Track).  I know what you're thinking:  didn't I know that already?  Yes, you did know that.  Everybody knew that except for me, and really, I probably knew it way down deep.  Boston is where my heart belongs, and BU is where my brain will be getting smarter.  Also, the funding is really good.  It's official:  I've sent in my acceptance forms and I've told all the other schools I got into that I wouldn't be going there.  The best part was that after I hit "send" on the acceptance form, I had a really good feeling, which is good, because sending another email with a "just kidding" on it probably would have been awkward.

So I'm moving back to Boston, everyone!  I'm very, very excited.

What I'm Doing This Weekend

  vs. 

I am making giant Pro/Con lists, as the decision for where I'll be spending the next five years of my life just so I can get that blessed little "PhD" after my name is much harder than I had expected it to be.

Grumpy Cake

My former-roommate/co-worker is having a birthday tomorrow, so some of the office-mates and I are baking.  Her favorite meme is "Grumpy Cat," so I figured I'd incorporate that into the cake.  Here's what happened:

Hard to believe I've never decorated cakes before, no?

Anyway, it prompted me to create this.

The Memory in the Music

"Every song has a memory; every song has the ability to make or break your heart, shut down the heart, and open the eyes."

-Andy Warhol

There are certain songs that, much like smells, can trigger memories for me like no other.  They start playing and I'm all of a sudden transported back to the time when that song meant the most to me.  Here are just a few examples:

• "Breathe (2 AM)" (Anna Nalick); I'm a freshman at BYU sitting in the dining hall of the Cannon Center (the old one).  This song played every morning on the radio in early 2005.  For the first time in my life, I'm part of a close-knit circle of friends, and my life is blessedly complicated because of that.
• "Mariella" (Kate Nash); It's the Fall of 2009 and I'm in Cambridge, Massachusetts.  More specifically, I'm in Laura's enormous boat-car getting a ride home from church on a Sunday.  She warns me that her music isn't "Sabbath-appropriate," but I don't care because that was the day that Kate Nash became one of my favorite artists.
• "The Trapeze Swinger" (Iron and Wine); I'm in a Volkswagen Jetta somewhere in the middle of Western Massachusetts and the windows are open even though it's freezing but again, I don't care because Western Mass is beautiful and life is good.  (Alternatively, it's two months later and my life is about to turn upside down completely and oh my gosh why is this song so dang evocative and also nine minutes long and I start sobbing on my bed as the melody floats up from Lindsay's room.)

There are certainly others, some that I won't think of until I hear the song, and some that don't even need mentioning (e.g., the entire BYU Concert Choir repertoire from 2005-2008).  But this is one of those times I invite comments:  what is a time-machine song for you and where (or when) does it take you?