"Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable."

(The title is a quote from Emma by Jane Austen, spoken by the oh-so-delightful Mr. Knightley.)

I don't believe I care for surprises much either, which is odd because apparently, I am full of them. I'll admit that I am an enigma, but I've always felt that once someone has gotten a glimpse of my personality, all things learned thenceforth should make perfect sense. I had to scold someone recently for continuing to express surprise at aspects of my life experiences (really, at a certain point, one should know better). After further consideration, however, I will admit I have a few surprises and contradictions within myself. Here's just one of them:

I think "On My Own" is the most useless song in all of Les Miserables. Everyone loves it and uses it for their high school musical audition pieces, but I daresay that it should never have existed in the first place. We already know that Eponine is in love with Marius and he's never going to love her back. We don't need another whole song (and the longest solo in the whole show, at that) about it.

I bet you were thinking I was going to write some shocking revelation about myself. I thought about it, but the thing about surprise (and I don't know if this actually a thing or not--I just sort of made it up now) is that it has to be just a little at a time, otherwise you're bound to give someone a heart attack.

And I just really am sick of "On My Own." Seriously. It's too much.

Avocados

I was watching an episode of "Good Eats" a while ago about Avocados. It was quite interesting. Did you know that the word "avocado" is based on "abogado," the Spanish word for "lawyer," but only because it was as close as the Spaniards could come to correctly pronouncing the native name for the fruit, which actually translates to "testicle?" I digress.

One of the most interesting things I learned in this show about the Avocado was that avocados don't ripen on the tree. They have to be picked and then they have to sit around and then they're fully mature. This kind of struck me in an Institute lesson about maturity and preparedness and such. We don't come out of college or grad school or whatever other "preparatory phase" completely "finished." It takes awhile for us to "ripen" into whomever we're supposed to become.

Anyone who has spoken to me in the past few months knows that I feel like I've been sitting on the shelf rather than being used for my "intended purpose" (whatever that may be). Despite all this, I feel like I've become rather "zen" about the whole thing, that I've learned a lot, and that I've really grown and matured as a person.

In other words, I think I'm ready to be guacamole.

I Hate That All Blog Posts Must Have a Title

Before writing anything, I spent a good five minutes deciding what to call this blog post, but the title isn't the point, now is it? It's the content that really should reel you in...or the reputation of the author, and you all know that I'm amazing.

I've always thought that the coolest job ever would be to be the person in charge of picking the soundtrack/extra-diegetic music in movies or TV shows. Does anyone know what that person's job title is? There are so many cool songs out there and sometimes when I hear them, I see scenes and montages in my head that play against the music perfectly.

Apart from this, I've just been thinking that the world needs so much more music in it. I'll admit it, I watch "Glee," and I sometimes envy them for their magically-realistic universe in which bursting into song happens so seamlessly. Or how awesome would it to be to just have a soundtrack to life? Don't you think God and/or whoever else is watching our lives is sitting on the edge of their seats when we have these dramatic, emotionally-charged confrontations and thinking, "wow, if only Kate Nash's 'The Nicest Thing' were playing in the background, it would really drive this point home!"? And who wouldn't be more productive if we could clean our houses montage-style with some fun 80's buddy music helping us chug along?

I'm currently listening to Regina Spektor's album "Begin To Hope," which gets forgotten quite a bit because it's in .wmv format and therefore not on my iTunes (I really need to get around to burning it to a CD and ripping it back in .mp3 format). This album really takes me back to Summer 2007 when I first downloaded it and listened to it constantly in my Provo apartment. It would be great for a "reminiscing" montage. I feel, and I don't know if there's any science to back this up, but I feel that next to smell, music is the best at evoking memories and emotions. I'd muse about the bitter sweetness of nostalgia and how the best music is derived from pain, but I promised to stop waxing insightful for a few months, and so I shall.

Hugs

I don't even really like this kind of hug. I contemplated putting a "Hugs Not Drugs" picture here instead, along with a caption stating that I might have to choose drugs, but then I thought that might spark an intervention...and those always end in a group hug.

I can't believe I haven't done a post about hugging yet!

In general, I'm not a touchy-feely person. I never got along with the "sacrament meeting social groomers" or those girls who hug you when you first meet them or when you haven't seen them for two days. It just doesn't come naturally to me, so as a rule, I don't hug adults who aren't my mom or sister. There are, however, a few exceptions (and you can ask anyone, I didn't just make these up!):

1. The "Extended Absence" Clause: I will hug you if we will not see/have not seen each other for a minimum of four weeks. The length of an absence required to deem a hug necessary is inversely proportional to the amount that I like you.
2. "Post Performance High": Let's say I was in a musical and I was amazing, because, let's face it, I'm incredibly talented, and afterwards you came backstage to congratulate me for being so incredibly talented, I would let you hug me. Or, if by some miracle I played on a sports team with you, and if by some greater miracle this team of which I was a member actually won the "big game," I would hug you and my fellow teammates. Essentially, the awesomeness that I exude in my high levels of performance overcome any reservations I have about touching other people.
3. Extreme Emotional Whatever: If (Heaven forbid) some great tragedy befalls us and we bond over it, we'll probably hug. On the flipside, if something really great happens, like one of us getting engaged (probably you, because if I can't hug people, I certainly won't be marrying them), there'll be an "I'm so happy for you" hug. At any rate, the shock of my actually experiencing emotions of any kind causes me to lash out and hug people.
4. Special Occasions: Birthdays and Pro Forma End-of-Date hugs. If the former, don't expect much more than a flipper hug*, unless I really like you. If the latter, I can't be counted on to initiate this hug; it's up to my date.
5. Individual Exemptions: To be determined on a case-by-case basis. With some people, the relationship transcends all of my hugging rules...or it's just easier to suck it up and hug them than to explain all of this.

*A "Flipper Hug" (patent pending) is a hug in which my elbows are in constant contact with the sides of my body. It's kind of my signature move, not to be confused with my friend Laura's "Thalidomide Baby Hug," in which her hands appear to be budding from her shoulders.

Pearls of Wisdom for My Daughters

[NOTE: This post has been edited. If you want to read the original version, get in your time machine and go back to yesterday.]

I don't have daughters yet (I'm unmarried, if I haven't made that clear), but when I do, here's what I'm going to tell them:

1. Never blog crabby (even though it sometimes does yield results).
2. Not getting what you want hurts, but when the dust settles and the rubble is cleared away, you learn to recognize what you actually do want, what you don't want, and most importantly, who you are.

To all of my faithful readers, I promise this will be the last of my insightful, depressing, soul-bearing posts for at least a few months.

My Music: Part II

About three months ago I posted the "Top 25 Most Played" on my iTunes. It hasn't changed a ton, but here is the updated version:

1. "Breathe"-Original Broadway Cast of In The Heights
2. "It Won't Be Long Now"-Original Broadway Cast of In The Heights
3. "Grace Kelly"-Mika
4. "Gravity"-Sara Bareilles
5. "Crazier Than You"-Original Broadway Cast of The Addams Family
6. "Prayer of St. Francis"-Sarah McLachlan
7. "Sway"-Bic Runga
8. "Fields of Gold"-Eva Cassidy
9. "Blackout"-Original Broadway Cast of In The Heights
10. "One Day More"-Les Miserables Cast
11. "This Year's Love"-David Gray
12. "The Story" ("Grey's Anatomy" cast version)-Sara Ramirez
13. "Bring On The Wonder"-Sarah McLachlan
14. "Time After Time"-Sarah McLachlan and Cyndi Lauper
15. "Lovefool"-The Cardigans
16. "Trouble Sleeping"-Corinne Bailey Rae
17. "Breathless"-Corinne Bailey Rae
18. "Don't Rain On My Parade" ("Glee" cast version)-Lea Michele
19. "Maybe I'm Amazed"-Jem
20. "Burning Love"-Elvis Presley
21. "Organ Donor"-Jeremy Messersmith
22. "Skeleton Song"-Kate Nash
23. "Happy Ending"-Mika
24. "Glitter In the Air"-P!nk
25. "Promise Me This"-Pancho's Lament

If I think about it, I'll keep up with updating this list every three or so months to let you all know what the cool kids aren't listening to these days.

"Almost Doesn't Count"

I've mentioned before that I hate the uncertainties, the not knowing where I'm going and the days full of feeling like I'm not moving forward. A lot of things have happened, or rather, haven't happened, that have made me realize that my life is full of "almosts."

Things almost worked out with starting a PhD program at BU this year...until the funding fell through.

I almost got hired for this really well-paying job after leaving a great impression on the interviewer...until they decided on another candidate.

Things almost were progressing nicely in a personal matter...until they stopped.

I often hear people say, "Whatever happens, I know it'll work out for the best," or things to that effect. Why does that always have to mean, "The thing that I want probably isn't going to be the thing that happens, but I'll get over it"? Why can't the "Come what may, and love it!" attitude be applied to things we actually want to happen? I tried to express this ambivalence about the aforementioned personal matter...but three seconds after telling the world that I basically don't care what happens, I realized that the less-desirable outcome isn't going to leave me as emotionally unresponsive as I'd hoped.

A lot of things, job frustration not the least of them, had me really stressed out today. Needing to get away, I took my scriptures down to the Boston Public Garden and sat by the pond and read for a little while. I was reading Alma 37:36-37 and thinking about how that was currently applicable, when all of a sudden (and this is totally one of those things that people talk about in those "Latter Day Saint Voices" articles that I never thought actually happened in real life), the wind started blowing and turning the pages. I thought, "Okay, here it goes, it's totally going to flip to some great scripture that's going to be the most meaningful thing ever," and it flips to Mosiah 23:21-22. I had to laugh...heck yes, my patience and faith are being tried right now. I'm really trying to trust in God more, and be patient and know that at some point, all of the "almosts" will come to an end and I'll be led to where I'm supposed to be.