Pearls of Wisdom for My Daughters

[NOTE: This post has been edited. If you want to read the original version, get in your time machine and go back to yesterday.]

I don't have daughters yet (I'm unmarried, if I haven't made that clear), but when I do, here's what I'm going to tell them:

1. Never blog crabby (even though it sometimes does yield results).
2. Not getting what you want hurts, but when the dust settles and the rubble is cleared away, you learn to recognize what you actually do want, what you don't want, and most importantly, who you are.

To all of my faithful readers, I promise this will be the last of my insightful, depressing, soul-bearing posts for at least a few months.

My Music: Part II

About three months ago I posted the "Top 25 Most Played" on my iTunes. It hasn't changed a ton, but here is the updated version:

1. "Breathe"-Original Broadway Cast of In The Heights
2. "It Won't Be Long Now"-Original Broadway Cast of In The Heights
3. "Grace Kelly"-Mika
4. "Gravity"-Sara Bareilles
5. "Crazier Than You"-Original Broadway Cast of The Addams Family
6. "Prayer of St. Francis"-Sarah McLachlan
7. "Sway"-Bic Runga
8. "Fields of Gold"-Eva Cassidy
9. "Blackout"-Original Broadway Cast of In The Heights
10. "One Day More"-Les Miserables Cast
11. "This Year's Love"-David Gray
12. "The Story" ("Grey's Anatomy" cast version)-Sara Ramirez
13. "Bring On The Wonder"-Sarah McLachlan
14. "Time After Time"-Sarah McLachlan and Cyndi Lauper
15. "Lovefool"-The Cardigans
16. "Trouble Sleeping"-Corinne Bailey Rae
17. "Breathless"-Corinne Bailey Rae
18. "Don't Rain On My Parade" ("Glee" cast version)-Lea Michele
19. "Maybe I'm Amazed"-Jem
20. "Burning Love"-Elvis Presley
21. "Organ Donor"-Jeremy Messersmith
22. "Skeleton Song"-Kate Nash
23. "Happy Ending"-Mika
24. "Glitter In the Air"-P!nk
25. "Promise Me This"-Pancho's Lament

If I think about it, I'll keep up with updating this list every three or so months to let you all know what the cool kids aren't listening to these days.

"Almost Doesn't Count"

I've mentioned before that I hate the uncertainties, the not knowing where I'm going and the days full of feeling like I'm not moving forward. A lot of things have happened, or rather, haven't happened, that have made me realize that my life is full of "almosts."

Things almost worked out with starting a PhD program at BU this year...until the funding fell through.

I almost got hired for this really well-paying job after leaving a great impression on the interviewer...until they decided on another candidate.

Things almost were progressing nicely in a personal matter...until they stopped.

I often hear people say, "Whatever happens, I know it'll work out for the best," or things to that effect. Why does that always have to mean, "The thing that I want probably isn't going to be the thing that happens, but I'll get over it"? Why can't the "Come what may, and love it!" attitude be applied to things we actually want to happen? I tried to express this ambivalence about the aforementioned personal matter...but three seconds after telling the world that I basically don't care what happens, I realized that the less-desirable outcome isn't going to leave me as emotionally unresponsive as I'd hoped.

A lot of things, job frustration not the least of them, had me really stressed out today. Needing to get away, I took my scriptures down to the Boston Public Garden and sat by the pond and read for a little while. I was reading Alma 37:36-37 and thinking about how that was currently applicable, when all of a sudden (and this is totally one of those things that people talk about in those "Latter Day Saint Voices" articles that I never thought actually happened in real life), the wind started blowing and turning the pages. I thought, "Okay, here it goes, it's totally going to flip to some great scripture that's going to be the most meaningful thing ever," and it flips to Mosiah 23:21-22. I had to laugh...heck yes, my patience and faith are being tried right now. I'm really trying to trust in God more, and be patient and know that at some point, all of the "almosts" will come to an end and I'll be led to where I'm supposed to be.

Ferris Wheels, Fun, and Fireworks

I'm currently watching this documentary about amusement parks. I don't think I like amusement parks very much, I mean, I've been to a few (Idlewild, Kennywood, Conneaut Lake...pretty famous ones at that), but I've never thought these to be the best experiences of my life. (I did really like the dark rides, you know, the ones where you ride a canoe through a haunted house? Unfortunately, my favorite one, "The Old Mill" at Kennywood has been replaced by some glow-in-the-dark Garfield-themed monstrosity.)

Oddly enough, I really like watching documentaries about amusement parks. I remember when I was in middle school, every Memorial day the Discovery channel would have marathon amusement park documentaries and I would watch them all while I helped my mom decorate cupcakes. Is that weird? I enjoy watching people have fun and talking about the history of people having fun, but I'm not really into the fun-having directly.

Maybe I don't have the same idea of what constitutes "fun" as other people. Take this weekend, for instance. Tomorrow is the 4th of July, and that means that all of Boston will be out by the river "ooh"ing and "aah"ing at exploding gunpowder laced with colorful chemicals set to music. Call me crazy, but fireworks do nothing for me. Instead, I will be keeping true to my Independence Day Tradition of staying home, eating pie, watching "The Music Man" (best 4th of July movie/favorite musical ever!), and going to bed early and trying not to be too disturbed by the "bombs bursting in air" outside my bedroom window.

I've decided its time I changed my patterns. Not about the fireworks--I still attest that those are only tolerable if you have some cute boy to hold your hand as you crane your necks skyward, and currently, I don't have one of those--but about the other "fun" parts of life. So here is my goal: before I turn 30 (that seems reasonable enough, right? I mean, it's four years.), I will ride a ferris wheel for the first time! And I want to ride a dark ride, because I remember liking those.

Happy Independence Day...and remember...that game with the fifteen numbered balls is the devil's tool.

Why I Didn't Have Friends in High School

I went home for the weekend, and brought back a binder that I intend to use for choir music, but it had a notebook in it from high school. In addition to some of my emo-teenage short stories and song lyrics (which were pretty well-written, but will never get published), it also contained a sheet of crappy lined paper, upon which was written the following rant:

"I didn't use my scratch paper at all.

"This test was made for stupid people. A monkey with severe brain damage could have taken this test and passed. But then again, seventy-five percent of the students at Center have the mental capacity of the common houseplant*, so some might have found it a tad challenging. Do you know what the worst part is? I've been finished for about 15 minutes and there are 20 minutes of testing time left and I already checked my answers a million times and I didn't bring a book, so in my boredom I'm writing a thesis on the low mentality of Center students and the pointlessness of these assessments just so the "proctor" won't have to throw away a blank sheet of scratch paper. This planet disgusts me. I'm reading this over and boy, is it cynical. I really hope nobody reads this. But then again, I used some pretty big words, so most of the lemmings-er-I mean students- wouldn't get it anyway. To negate all of my negativity, I should say something nice about Center High School. I should have brought a book, too. I didn't do that either.

"*Except the Venus Flytrap, which was scientifically proven to have an I.Q. higher than that of the combined members of the football team.

I'm really glad that nobody read this when I was in high school. They would have probably profiled me as "most likely to shoot everyone during the prom." I'm happy to say, now, eight-ish years later, that I'm a lot less angry, and grateful that in post-secondary education, you can leave when you're done with a test.

Newton's Principle of Indecision

I should probably not be allowed to be in charge of things.

I went to Newton Centre today, which isn't inherently traumatic. It's a pretty cool place full of restaurants and boutiques for clothing and jewelry I will never be able to afford. I went into this one "consignment shop" thinking that consignment=cheap. Not so. There was this super beautiful silk dress in one of my favorite shades of blue; it had sleeves, went down past the knee, and had a really pretty embellishment thing on it...for only $158. As I was gawking over it, the lady asked me if I wanted to try it on, and after I told her it was out of my price range, she said it was on sale...only $98. That's still too expensive (even though it fits my rule that if I'm going to spend over $50 on an article of clothing I should be able to wear that and absolutely nothing else and still be able to go out in public), but I knew if I didn't try it on, I'd spend the rest of the day thinking about it. Thankfully it didn't fit me properly, so I could let it rest in peace.

The "trauma" began when I decided I was a little peckish and wanted a snack. There are a lot of restaurants in Newton Centre, seriously, a lot. I can't just pick the first place I see, so I wandered around the entire town (after wandering around once already) looking for a place that looked good. After wandering for about 45 minutes, I still hadn't decided, and by that point, I went from "a little peckish" to legitimately hungry. Of course, that required an entire paradigm shift: I was no longer looking for a snack, but for actual food. I wandered for another 20-ish minutes. There was a diner attached to the train station, but it wasn't what I imagined and was a little too saloon-like for me. There was a place called "Cafe St. Petersburg" but I felt that I would feel out of place at a restaurant that had six middle-aged women shouting at each other in Russian sitting on the patio. There were a bunch of sit-down places, but I wasn't in the mood to wait for waiters. At this point, I was very glad I was alone, as any traveling companions would have been quite impatient with me (but then again, they probably would have picked a place in five minutes).

I ended up eating at an itty-bitty place called "Lee's Burgers." The name is pretty funny if you're a biological anthropologist (there's a guy named Lee Berger who published Australopithecus sediba recently...I mean, I'm pretty sure the restaurant was just named after some other "Lee," but I appreciated it). The burger was decent, the onion rings were good (they were served with this sauce that was almost like fry sauce sans ketchup), and best of all, it was cheap.

Anyway, the point of this post is that even though I'm okay with deciding things about my life, when it comes to food, I have the absolute worst decision-making skills ever. I hope this will change before I have dependent children to feed. Frankly, I'm glad I'm not a guy, because if I were, I'd probably never be able to plan a dinner date.

Also, I feel I should mention that I was really sneezy today (I hate springtime) and took a behind-the-counter antihistamine/nasal decongestant and washed it down with a caffeinated Diet Coke, and now I'm a little wired. I may go take on the universe right now.

Spiritual Tornadoes

For those who don't know, Massachusetts has had some pretty intense weather today. Thankfully, Boston only got some severe thunderstorms, but the western and central parts of the state got hit pretty heavily by tornadoes. My thoughts and prayers go out to those who lost their homes and loved ones in these storms.

This morning in Charlestown, we had a 15-minute thunderstorm, and I thought that would be it for the day. As I walked home from work in the early afternoon, it was sunny and gorgeous. You can imagine my surprise when I turned on the TV and saw that the National Weather Service had issued a "Tornado Watch" for Boston and surrounding areas. I thought, "that's not possible; it's so nice outside!" Later, watching the weather, and seeing that the storm was more imminent, I thought, "I've dealt with much worse storms than this in Pennsylvania; I can handle it." Then, later in the evening, I rode away from Institute in a torrential downpour and the flashiest display of lightning I've ever seen.

[When I'm a General Church Auxiliary Leader and tell this story in General Conference, I'll have to embellish and include something about how when I finally thought to get my potted plants off of the balcony, it was too late and they had been pummelled by golf-ball-sized hailstones.]

The Gospel connections are all too clear. I'm grateful we have Latter Day Prophets who receive revelations from a Heavenly Father who can see the end from the beginning. We may receive warnings about spiritual storms and think, "that couldn't possibly happen, life is so great right now," or "It won't be so bad; I can handle it!" Prophets give us counsel for a reason: to protect us and keep us out of spiritual (and often temporal) danger. We may think that they cannot relate to us--they're from "a different generation"--but these leaders are inspired and are speaking for Someone who, without any doubt, can relate to exactly what we're experiencing.

With that, I'll leave the text from a piece I sang a few years ago in Concert Choir, a text that I've thought quite a bit about in light of the weather:

"After the Rain" (by Lane Johnson)

"Darkness expelled by a Light through the clouds
Heaven compelled to dissolve lightless shrouds
Tears dried by Son Light no longer remain
After the rain

"Storms overhead no more darken the way
Shadows have ceased to bedim the noon-day
Then brilliant beams of hope are born and brightness regained
After the rain

"Oh how the cloudburst and tempest refine
As we allow light to encompass and shine
Freely the soul sings for respite attained
After the blessed rain"