I went home for the weekend, and brought back a binder that I intend to use for choir music, but it had a notebook in it from high school. In addition to some of my emo-teenage short stories and song lyrics (which were pretty well-written, but will never get published), it also contained a sheet of crappy lined paper, upon which was written the following rant:
"I didn't use my scratch paper at all.
"This test was made for stupid people. A monkey with severe brain damage could have taken this test and passed. But then again, seventy-five percent of the students at Center have the mental capacity of the common houseplant*, so some might have found it a tad challenging. Do you know what the worst part is? I've been finished for about 15 minutes and there are 20 minutes of testing time left and I already checked my answers a million times and I didn't bring a book, so in my boredom I'm writing a thesis on the low mentality of Center students and the pointlessness of these assessments just so the "proctor" won't have to throw away a blank sheet of scratch paper. This planet disgusts me. I'm reading this over and boy, is it cynical. I really hope nobody reads this. But then again, I used some pretty big words, so most of the lemmings-er-I mean students- wouldn't get it anyway. To negate all of my negativity, I should say something nice about Center High School. I should have brought a book, too. I didn't do that either.
"*Except the Venus Flytrap, which was scientifically proven to have an I.Q. higher than that of the combined members of the football team.
I'm really glad that nobody read this when I was in high school. They would have probably profiled me as "most likely to shoot everyone during the prom." I'm happy to say, now, eight-ish years later, that I'm a lot less angry, and grateful that in post-secondary education, you can leave when you're done with a test.
The reason I didn't have friends in high school is also connected to the things that I wrote on scratch paper when I finished tests: Star Wars Beatles parodies. Oh yes. Yes I did. Either that, or it was the fact that I would ALWAYS have a book to read, and it was ALWAYS for English class, so I could read it twice and stomp everyone on the test...and then loudly proclaim that yes, I read the book twice and if you had too maybe you wouldn't have gotten a C.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this is freaking hilarious. I was laughing while I was reading this, alone in my kitchen with my watermelon. I think that high school Alex would have been much less emo if she had known that Masters student Alex grew up to be normal and awesome. I know Star Wars freak Laura would have been more normal if she had known that Law School Laura could go more than a week without watching Star Wars.
You'd probably had more friends in high school if they read this.
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