Crazy, Immune System-Destroying Life Update Post

This is a change from my boring life update posts (BLUP's) of the past.  It has been an INSANE couple of weeks.  So much has happened and the other day I commented how I was surprised that I hadn't gotten sick from all the stress and jinxed the holy heck out of myself by saying that.  So I'm sick.  It's nothing serious, just sinus and upper respiratory things, but it's enough to be annoying, especially during the first week of school.  But here's a very cursory rundown of what's been going on lately:

First of all, I moved to Brookline!  I talked about this earlier but I've been totally moved in for a bit over a week now.  The place is great and my room is 95% complete, so I'll post some pictures in coming weeks.  The neighborhood is great.  I kind of hate our shower, because it's like this:

Wtf indeed.

One of my main hurdles with the moving was the assembling of Ikea furniture.  I feel like assembling Ikea furniture is one of the ways that Hugh Jackman should prepare for a physically demanding movie role.  It could be an Olympic Sport:  Solo Women's Ikea Furniture Assembly.*  I had help for the second half of the 40-odd instructions for the bed,** but the dresser and bookshelf I did totally alone.  I felt pretty proud of myself!

The other major thing that happened was that I started school last week.  I'm only taking Medical Gross Anatomy at the moment, but I'll start grad school classes at the beginning of September.  I think I'm really going to enjoy it, mostly because I love anatomy and I love to learn.  It's almost an obsession.  Now that my hair is lighter in color and generally frizzy all the time, I've decided that I'm going to be the Hermione Granger of Gross Anatomy.  I am determined to rock all of my exams and basically be the best student there ever was.  Especially when it comes to pronouncing all those Latin names!

Just imagine the word "manubrium" instead of "Leviosa"

School will keep me very busy all the time, but I think that having a full-time job last year was beneficial in that I think I'll be able to keep a 45 hour per week study schedule and maintain some semblance of freedom on my evenings and weekends.  But as I've mentioned in many other posts, I am so happy to be in school again and I'm really looking forward to keeping the ball rolling on the whole PhD thing.

So those are the two main things that have been bubbling as of late and the reasons my cortisol levels were wonky and my immune system was being a giant slacker.  There are a couple of other personal-life things that have been going on as well, but I'm not quite at the "ready to blog about it" stage yet.  Stay tuned...maybe once I get over this cold...

*The Swedes (obviously) and Laura Taylor would dominate this.

**Getting a daybed with drawers and a trundle is an idea that I'm never going to have again.

  

Gross Anatomy (Emphasis on the "Gross")

When I saw the list of required upper limb osteology to know for medical gross anatomy:

This is so disgusting...but also hilarious.

I am a little sad that my vast knowledge of siding the metacarpals will be on the shelf this semester.

Last Day of Freedom

I have so much I could write about (although the amount that I actually will write about is significantly smaller), but my apartment doesn't have internet yet because Verizon is The Devil.*  So I'm in Starbucks nursing a tall Passion Iced Tea for as long as I possibly can whilst I take advantage of the free WiFi.  However, I did want to write one thing:

I'm starting PhD school tomorrow!!!!!

If you know me even a little bit, you know how big of a deal this is.  I've been talking about getting a PhD for over five years now, and after all of the letdowns and the lacks of funding everywhere and the constant questioning of every life decision I've ever made, it's finally happening.  Tomorrow morning at 8:30** I will be sitting down for my first class of Medical Gross Anatomy.  I'm nervous, but so, so excited.

*I imagine that when you go to the symphony in Hell, the orchestra plays the Verizon hold music.
**Let's face it, it's me; I'm going to be sitting in an empty auditorium starting at probably 7:45 or something.

The Credible Hulk

Last night I had a dream that I made out with Bruce Banner as portrayed by Mark Ruffalo.  That's neither here nor there.

Can you blame me?
(Source)

This is a post about something I realized yesterday.  First, can we all stipulate that I am very quick witted?  Anyone who has talked to me for any length of time can probably see that.  It's likely an artifact of 1) having lots of time to be alone with my thoughts so I can formulate them in clever ways and 2) watching too much well-written TV.

However, my quick wit, though one of my strongest selling points, has an unfortunate side effect:  when I am feeling angry or defensive, I have the capacity to be incredibly cruel.  I find exactly the right weapon and whittle it down to a true and unforgiving point.  Most often, I am the sole victim of my own cruelty, but I know that other people have experienced it as well.  If my cruel self were a character in a movie, she would be considered hilariously well-written, but in reality, she is ugly and I nearly hate her.  I am glad that I had recently seen The Avengers, because I know that this is how Bruce Banner felt about The Hulk, to have this monster inside of him that he must do everything in his power to control.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to be invited somewhere, and the person who invited me understood that I might not want to go.  And I didn't.  Not because it would be uncomfortable or painful (although it would be), but because I knew there would be a strong chance that The Hulk would come out, and I certainly didn't want people who were just on the cusp of becoming my friends to see that person.

So my question to all of you is this:  what can I do, short of moving to some remote village in India where I will never ever feel provoked (isn't that what he did in The Avengers? I missed the beginning of the movie), to deal with unpleasant people/situations without my absolute worst self coming out?  If I can figure out how to alleviate this, something good will have come out of my Hulk revelation (in addition to a dream about making out with Mark Ruffalo, that is).

I'm Back in Boston!

The guy on the plane next to me had the worst B.O.  And now I feel like I smell like B.O.*  I could take a shower, but I'm just going to go outside in a bit and get all sweaty again.  I guess I just have to resign myself to the fact that I'm not going to smell good until October.


*Kind of like that one episode of Seinfeld.  I've seen very few episodes of Seinfeld, but I've seen that one a few times, I think.

I need to not compare myself to other women.

Because when I do, I feel like the world is telling me this:

That's way harsh, Tai.

Even though I am Miss Prudie von Frigidpants (we can't all be super comfortable expressing physical affection, okay?).  And I did fail my driving test.

Reinvention

"I don't know who I am, who I am...All I know is that I should"
-Missy Higgins, "Where I Stood"

Ever since I got back to Boston, something has been off.  Don't get me wrong, being back has been 90% great* but there's been some off-ness.  I think I figured out what it is:  even though I can barely remember Hawaii, I was there, and I was there for a year.  Boston is different now, and the people there are kind of different.  (The social circles that existed when I was there over a year ago have dissolved, people have moved away, and new people have come in, leaving a completely new social structure that I have yet to fully understand.)  Most importantly though, I am different.**  So I need to reinvent.  Figure out how the new Alex fits into new Boston with new people.

As I mentioned a while ago, being in the different ward will help, once I get used to it (I started going to their Relief Society the last Sunday I was in Boston and felt oddly like a visitor).  Starting school again will certainly make a difference:  it will give me a reason to get up in the mornings with some sort of purpose.  And of course, what redefinition of self goes without a makeover?  Out of a combination of necessity and my mother's insistence that I currently do not look like a woman at all, I am changing my hair today, somewhat more drastically than I have in some time.  Also I finally took Laura's advice about skinny pants and found some that don't make me look terrible and fat.  Even so, some things are probably not going to change.

For one, new Alex still doesn't have a smart phone.

*Don't get me started on the 10%...I'm working on getting over it.
**Whether new Alex is better or worse than old Alex is still up for discussion.