This girl dated a guy once who told her that she was one of the "most reasonable" girls he had ever dated. She took that as a compliment and wore the title like a badge of honor: she wasn't some needy, whiny, high-maintenance nut, no sir! She was Reasonable!
She was also an idiot.
Because she was so eager to be "reasonable," she hid her insecurities, she didn't speak up when things bothered her, and she didn't fight for things she wanted to fight for. What she thought was this great, low-maintenance relationship was kind of an unhealthy, unhappy mess and a complete failure to communicate.
Now let's talk about communicating in relationships. I'll start with a stupid graphic with arbitrary shapes and colors to illustrate the point I'm going to make.
|My Power Point skillz are off the hizzy, yo.|
Good relationship communication in relationships requires two things: Trust and Compassion. Let's talk about Trust first: this can be interpreted a few different ways. It can mean "I know I can tell you this thing and it won't change the way you feel about me or this relationship." It can also mean "I trust you with this sensitive information about my life and know you won't tell anyone about it." Regardless, communicating things, especially big relationship-y things, requires a lot of trust.
On the other end of the communication interaction is Compassion. This means that when your partner tells you something big or voices some concern, you 1) remember that you love them, 2) don't immediately judge, laugh at, dismiss, or disparage them, and 3) listen to them and try to see where they're coming from. Remember that their telling you this is a sign that they trust you. Don't try to make them change their way of thinking or make them feel like their concerns are invalid. Just listen. Listen and love.
I'm not saying this is easy. To a lot of people, it doesn't come naturally. It certainly doesn't to me; I'm inherently shy and non-confrontational and a good chunk of my DNA sucks at communicating. But it does come.
I unfortunately have nothing snarky or clever with which to end this post, which is weird for me because that's usually where I go right after being sentimental...probably why I suck at communication. But good luck to you all.