The Panda Express Musical

[This is adapted from a Facebook note from days gone by, but I promised a blog post about the Panda Musical, so here it is.]

Imagine a Playbill with the Panda Express Logo on it, and this writer's note inside the front cover:

It all started with some paper napkins and a boring summer day at the Beaver Valley Mall.  I was working at Panda Express when the phrase "Just another day at the food court" popped into my head, and I knew I had to write a song.  I jotted down lyrics on a few napkins and got to work on a plot, characters (most of whom already existed in some form or another), and song titles.  The musical idea took a hiatus as I went to college, until the day when I re-donned my Panda apron and found those napkins folded in some old music books. 

This show isn't simply about moderately-priced Chinese food; it's about life. It's about the struggles of being stuck in a dead-end job, facing an unknown future, moving away from home, finding love on the other side of a sneeze guard, and having fun amidst the day-to-day ennui.  It is also mostly about moderately-priced Chinese food.

It's true, I wrote part of a Panda Express musical one time. It was mostly lyrics, as I lacked the patience to come up with a full story and the music composition skills to develop a score. Here are some of the songs:

• "Just Another Day (in the Food Court)" - In the Opening Number, the Panda Express employees sing about their business in the food court, noting that nothing much changes there.
• "If I Were Manager" - Ken, the assistant manager, doesn't want to work at Panda forever, but muses about the power he would have if promoted to manager in this toe-tapping book number.
• "Le Chopstick Tango" - Counter-help Amber is working alone on an extremely slow day. Bored to insanity, she creates a fantasy world full of chopstick characters.
• "Save Me Some Food for Midnight" - Bruce, the nighttime security guard, sings this Barry White-esque number attempting to convince the staff to save him some leftover orange chicken.
• "Polyester Princess" - Intrinsically shy and straight-laced counter-help Alex sings this ballad, wanting to show the world that she's much more than a food-court employee.
• "Moving On" - In the Act I closing number, Amber sings about her last day at Panda Express and Alex looks forward to leaving for college in a few months, while Ken wonders if he'll be stuck working there forever.
• "The Usual" - A semi-romantic duet between Alex and Andy, a cute, yet equally shy, frequent customer who orders the same thing every week.

Basically every character in this musical is based on real people with whom I worked at the Beaver Valley Mall Panda Express (may it rest in peace--it closed shortly after I left for college as it didn't do enough business to stay afloat), except for "Andy," who is a completely made-up character (though I did wait on many a cute boy in my day). For the time being, the Panda Express Musical is on the most distal of back burners, but who knows? Maybe when I'm old and rich and have nothing better to do, I'll turn it into something. More ridiculous things have made it onto the professional stage*.

*Yes, I'm talking about "Bring it On:  The Musical"...which I will probably still somehow go see.