The Unknown

You know those people who think that life is an adventure? That the unknown is this wonderful endless realm of possibilities? I hate those people. Okay, I don't actually hate those people, I just can't understand them. At all. I like knowing things. I like knowing what I'm eating for lunch tomorrow; I like knowing whether or not I should bring an umbrella with me; I like plans. Right now, however, I'm at a really horrible (some might say "exciting," I say "horrible") place in my life where a lot of things are unknown.

I hate not knowing...

• Exactly what I'm doing next year: I got into a PhD program at BU, and I'm really excited about that, because I have a somewhere to go, but while I'm on the financial aid wait list, I have to do a lot of waiting and wondering exactly how I'll be paying for the rest of my education, and if I can't pay for the rest of my education, what I'll be doing instead.


• How I'm going to pay off my student loans. I got the "pick a repayment option" packet in the mail last week, and it's all terribly depressing.


• What I'm supposed to talk about in the graduation speech I'm supposed to give in exactly one month. I know, I should be honored that the dean wants to sit down with me personally and discuss this important thing, but is it too much to send out an email with a topic and a time limit?


• What I'm doing this summer. I have applied to all of the jobs. All of them. Well, not the ones that require computer skills or the courage to commute to Roxbury, but pretty much the rest of them. Do you think one of them would realize how awesome I am and promptly write me back and offer me all of their money? Of course not. So I continue to apply for all of the jobs.

So this is basically my depressing blog post. Sorry about that. And I know I'm supposed to do the whole "faithfully pressing forward" thing, but I just very much dislike not having a plan. So send me good planning vibes, everyone, and maybe I'll actually know something!