Articles of (Internet) War

I'm a very non-confrontational person, in person, that is.  However, I've gotten more feisty in my old age, and for that reason, I'm thankful I have the internet as a medium for my argumentative nature.  As I've recently witnessed an epic one which addressed topics such as sexism, adultery, the great "letter of the law/spirit of the law" debate, and "the appearance of evil," I have found it necessary to put forth a code, a set of rules by which to angrily type.  For the approval of the people, I present, the Articles of Internet War:

1. Follow the proper procedure.  Don't just come in, guns blazing, and attack someone.  If there's a prompt (in most cases, the original post/article), respond to that first, and then wait until you're officially invited to the battle (usually, by someone saying, "you're incorrect for feeling that way, so-and-so").
2. Emoticons fix everything!  It's totally okay to call someone a Pharisee or a "self-hating misogynist" if you add a smiley face!
3. Don't infer beyond the text.*  If the person you're currently attacking hasn't actually called someone a "self-hating misogynist", don't be like, "you just called so-and-so a 'self-hating misogynist,'" because they didn't.  
4. When ambivalent, pick the side with the better grammar.  Sometimes, you just want to be a part of the fight, even if you don't care one way of the other.  It's much easier to create an argument when it's not based on run-on sentences interspersed with "tho," "prolly," and "idunno."
5. That said, don't play the grammar card until absolutely necessary.  It's a low blow and is often irrelevant to the argument.  Basically, when you reply, "yeah?  well, if your comment were a GRE analytical writing essay it would get a 2!", you're basically saying, "I've run out of further points to make."  
6. Find an ally.  It's awesome when you write something that makes an awesome point and then someone "likes" that point or responds with an "Amen, sista!  Preach it!"  Be that person for someone else, preferably someone who isn't already your friend, as it contributes to your objectivity.
7. When people start quoting scriptures or General Authorities, the gloves have officially come off.  This one's probably something that applies more to the Mormon crowd (so, 98% of my blog readers), I think, but when someone goes all, "well, here's something that someone said in General Conference once that supports my argument, so not only am I right, I'm more righteous than you, too!", the fighting has gone to a new level.  If scripture mastery wasn't your thing, tread lightly!
8. Don't fly off the handle.  Civility is of utmost importance.  You're not going to make a valid point if you call people stupid or use tons of profanity.  Even if your opponents don't come over to your (obviously correct) way of thinking, they can at least respect the fact that you kept a cool head and impeccable spelling throughout the argument.
9. Know when to hold 'em.  Have an awesome retort that you just have to use?  Let it simmer just a bit.  A more perfect opportunity may come along for it to make the maximum effect.
10. Know when to fold 'em.  Some people are stubborn and will never accept anything you say as legitimate.  Eventually, the thing is going to die down to the point where it'll just be two people still going at each other days later.  You don't want to be one of those two people, so know when to bow out gracefully.

That's all I've come up with so far.  I'm open to amendments, so please comment!  

*Also good advice for the GRE reading comprehension section.  I am so going to rock this test next week!

An (Unwarranted?) Explanation

"I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude"

(Henry David Thoreau)

I like to do things by myself.  I always have.  This doesn't mean I'm sad and lonely (probably), and it doesn't mean that I hate people (well...), but I just like having by-myself time.  This is especially true on the weekends.  I've gotten into the habit of occupying my Saturdays with a bus ride to some place where I would walk around and explore.  I told someone about one of these Saturdays recently, and the person got offended (or maybe fake offended--I don't know her well enough to determine if she has a sense of humor) that I didn't invite her to come with me!  So now I feel like I must explain myself (maybe) with three points:

1. I like to do things when I want to do them.  When I was faced with the response, "you should have invited me!" I wanted to say, "did you want to leave at 6:45 in the morning?"  Because I did.  And I didn't want to waste my morning waiting around for people who know how to sleep in to wake up and decide that they're ready to do stuff.
2. Related somewhat to point number one, I like doing things by myself without the stress of someone's wants and needs affecting my decision-making.  If I want to walk around a town square six times before deciding which restaurant will be providing my lunch that day (like I have), I don't want to worry about another person getting hungry and impatient.
3. In my life, there have been very few people with whom I could comfortably spend a whole day.  In fact, I can only immediately think of two, maybe three.  I've never been a "people person."  Conversing with people does not come easily to me, and I very much dislike feeling like I have to have a conversation when I would be perfectly at ease sitting silently with my thoughts.  

So, to all future people I with whom I don't hang out, it's nothing personal, and I don't necessarily dislike you; you just don't happen to be one of the three people I find more "companionable" than myself.

The New Man of My Dreams

As I mentioned in a post nearly two years ago,* I dream pretty awesome things.  Last night I had an awesome dream in which I shared an awesome dance with this guy:

Peter Tork, from The Monkees, for those not in the know.

It's very strange.  As a young girl, I always had a crush on Davy Jones**--I'd even try to "fudge the numbers" and rationalize that he wasn't actually forty years older than I was.  I guess as a twenty-something, however, my tastes have changed!  In my dream, I had just returned from doing some awesome stunts in a Superman costume, when The Monkees showed up, and Peter and I did this dance to "California Girls" (I think they were covering it for their show).  It was a great swing-dance type of number.  Peter was so professional, making our height differential no big deal.  In true Monkees fashion, the curmudgeon principal of the high school we were dancing through scolded us and gave us (as well as Davy, Mike, and Mickey) detentions.  It was worth it, black spot on my otherwise outstanding academic record notwithstanding.  


*Also, this post used to come up in the Google search results for "Adrien Brody" a lot; or so say my blog stats.
**May he rest in peace.

Other Things That Happened Today

Because they were unrelated to my Kahuku Grill experience and too numerous (i.e. there's more than one thing) to just be a Facebook status:

1. Context (for my non-Mormon readers):  in the temple, patrons wear all white.  For women, this includes pantyhose/stockings/tights/whatever you want to call them.  Upon leaving the temple today, I looked down at my legs and thought, oh no!  I forgot to take my stockings off! but then realized, nope...that's just what color my legs are.  I am still the pastiest haole on this rock.  But hey, no skin cancer (probably)!
2. Background (for everyone):  one of my new quests (I have a lot of quests these days as there's very little going on in my life) is to learn how to make Indian dishes (Korma and Tikka Masala, primarily) from scratch.  I thought this would be difficult when I realized that most of the grocery stores only sell ingredients to make food from the East side of Asia, but lo and behold!  In my exploration of Kahuku I found this sketchy little Indian Restaurant/mini-mart that sells all of the necessary spices and ingredients!
3. I began to re-read The Great Gatsby on the (long) bus ride from Honolulu to Laie.  I sometimes do this dramatic thing in my head where I imagine the scenes being played out, but the characters are played by my friends who may (or may not) have life parallels.  I occasionally cast myself as Jordan Baker (because I think she'd be a fun character to play), but sometimes not (because I feel we don't have much in common).  I shall not publicly say whom I cast unequivocally as Gatsby, as I don't know whether or not he'd take it (and my reasoning behind it) as a compliment.  None of my characters are ever portrayed by Jack Russell Terriers, however.

Overall, it was a pretty decent day.

Restaurant Review: Kahuku Grill

The front of the place.  Also, look at the boy in the window.  Look at him.

I think I may have found my rebound burger.  Don't get me wrong; I'm not trying to replace the wonderful burgers in Boston (you know who you are), but I'm not in Boston, so I have to move on just a tiny bit.  I went to the Kahuku Grill on the North Shore for lunch after visiting the Laie Temple today.  I was planning on eating a burger in any case, but I also took the advice of many internet reviewers who said to follow the example of the locals and get the burger instead of the "Famous Coconut Shrimp" (which I may try next time, because there will be a next time).

If you close your eyes and imagine "Traditional Hawaii Burger Joint," Kahuku Grill is what you see.  It definitely has that run-down (but not gross) surf shack vibe to it, which I kind of dug.  One can eat outside or inside, depending on how one feels about eating hot burgers on a hot day (I chose to eat inside).  The place is family-owned, and given that it was a family with seven boys with names all starting with the letter "S" with varying degrees of Biblicality (Seth, Shem, Shez...yeah), I'm going to go out on a limb and say they were probably Mormon.  It also seemed to be the regular lunch place for Temple patrons--lots of white shirts and ties on a Saturday afternoon--which makes sense, given that it's only 2.7 miles North of the Temple.

I ordered the Cheeseburger Combo (burger and fries) and a Diet Coke.  The whole order came to eight dollars and change--pretty reasonable for Hawaii!  The girl who waited on me was very friendly, but I kind of wish I'd waited a bit to order, because after I left, the counter was being manned by perhaps the cutest boy I have seen on this entire island.*  At any rate, I got my drink and sat down and waited for my food.  The Diet Coke was not as Diet Coke-y as I like...but maybe it was a fountain issue.  An appropriately-short time later, the girl brought my food out.  Behold:

Look at those fries.  And that fry sauce.  I was all over that fry sauce.

More evidence of the place's Mormonosity:  Fry Sauce.  I was super excited about this.  For people who have not spent any time in Utah, Fry Sauce is one part ketchup, one part mayonnaise, and one part magic.  So good.  And look:  it's garnished!  As you can see, the fries are not the typical stick fries.  They're more like little quarters of potato slices.  They were hot and the perfect balance of crispy-on-the-outside/soft-on-the-inside.  They were very nicely seasoned; my only complaint is that they were a bit too salty--next time I shall ask for less salt.

The burger was great as well!  I even will be so bold to say that it would be able to hold its own in the Boston Burger Arena (an controversial claim, it seems!).  It's definitely a lunch burger,** but it did well in all the important categories:  burger:bun ratio, structural integrity, non-greasy beef patty, yummy melty cheese!  A thing I noticed was that the burger had a lot more lettuce on it than other burgers that I've had.  There were bites that were in danger of being a bit too "lettucey," but the texture was nice!  I highly recommend it to anyone who has any business on the North Shore, and I think that this will become my regular post-Temple lunch place!

The Kahuku Grill is located at 56-565 Kamehameha Highway in Kahuku, on the same property as the Kahuku Sugar Mill.

*You know, if you're into longish-haired tan surfer guys who are probably too young for me...and let's face it, I so am.  We eye-flirted for a good 1.2 seconds.  It was amazing.

**The difference between "lunch burger" and "dinner burger" should be clear to anyone who's ever had a conversation with me...or who has any common sense at all.

My Music (Redux)

Remember when I used to post my "Top 25 Most Played" list from iTunes for everyone?  Remember how I stopped because it never changed much?  Then remember how I got a new laptop with new iTunes and could start from scratch with everything?  So without further ado, I give you my new list of the stuff I've listened to the most lately (or since I bought my laptop in April):

1. "Hold On" (Mary Beth Maziarz)
2. "Thursday" (Asobi Seksu)
3. "C'est la Mort" (The Civil Wars)
4. "Poison and Wine" (The Civil Wars)
5. "Shake It Out" (Florence and the Machine)
6. "21 Guns" (Original Broadway Cast of American Idiot)
7. "Scientists" (Jeremy Messersmith)
8. "Cathedrals" (Jump, Little Children)
9. "Homeward Bound" (BYU Singers and BYU Concert Choir)
10. "I Want You Back" (The Civil Wars)
11. "My Love" (Irie Love)*
12. "Organ Donor" (Jeremy Messersmith)
13. "The Call" (Regina Spektor)
14. "Gravity" (Sarah Bareilles)
15. "Falling" (The Civil Wars)
16. "Across the Universe" (Fiona Apple)**
17. "Falling Slowly" (Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova)
18. "Toussaint Grey, First In Life and Death" (Jeremy Messersmith)
19. "Knots" (Jeremy Messersmith)
20. "A Girl, A Boy, and a Graveyard" (Jeremy Messersmith)
21. "We Get On" (Kate Nash)
22. "Skeleton Song" (Kate Nash)
23. "Fade Into You" (Mazzy Star)
24. "Timshel" (Mumford & Sons)
25. "Come Home" (One Republic)

Again, I'm not ashamed of any of these songs!  As you may be able to tell, I discovered The Civil Wars recently.  I'm in love.  Also, I've definitely been in a very Jeremy Messersmith mood lately, but I defy you to find anyone with better death songs.

*Yeah, we listen to reggae in Hawaii.

**Yes, Laura, another Beatles cover that you'll probably hate.

Forced Fun and Fancy Parties

Or, "How I Spent the First Two-Thirds of My Weekend"

As is tradition (apparently), yesterday we had our JPAC company picnic.  Now, when a military organization sends out an invitation, they send out an invitation.  See below for the first part of the first of many pages outlining our specific orders:

One should note section 3a, especially the phrases "official duty location" and "[all] deviations from this guidance must be approved by the Deputy Commander."  This was mandatory fun, everyone!  The rule was that if you didn't want to go, you could either take official leave or go to work for the full day.  Now, I hate fun as much as the next incredibly dull person, but I'm wise enough to know that eating free food by the beach and getting to go home at 2:00 (or 1400, if you're military) is still preferable over going to work for nine hours.  So I went to the picnic.  It was fun for awhile.  The food was good and I walked by the ocean and gathered some "treasures from the sea"* until I stubbed my toe on a rock and had to go tend to the bleeding lest I contract some type of ocean disease.  Getting to go home in the middle of the day was pretty awesome; I had to keep reminding myself that it was a Friday and not the Saturday it felt like.  I spent a bit of the rest of the day at the mall (where I ate a pistachio macaroon at the Pacific Place Tea Garden--yum!) and then went home to clean my new-old chair.

Clearly, a Friday of fun with co-workers was just not enough!  I write tonight after having just returned from a fancy party at my old professor/current supervisor's house.  I got the invitation for this event Monday, as did some other co-workers:  "cocktails and dinner," it said!  My first thought:  whatever will I wear?  My second thought:  wow, I'm definitely not in grad school anymore!  A party at the "boss's" house!  This is how one moves up in life!  Thankfully, it turned out to not be the formal affair I had envisioned:  it was an outdoor gathering with many people from work and some not--no cause for worrying about which fork to use and the proper technique of buttering rolls.**  I felt slightly overdressed in my black-and-white fifties-esque "favorite" dress, but I didn't stand out like a sore thumb, either.  This is not to say that the event wasn't fancy--oh, how fancy it was!  Everything was so beautifully presented--no paper plates and plastic cutlery here!  The hosts definitely went to great lengths and it was much appreciated.  Of course, the food was fantastic!  Grilled steak and vegetables and hors d'oeuvres (this really delicious crab dip, among other things) and strawberry shortcakes and soda in glass bottles---look at me, I'm sounding like an orphan from the 1930s experiencing decadence for the first time!  And all the exclamation marks!  I guess my naïvete about such things is a good quality--better than jaded sighs of "ugh, not another one of these work parties," right?

At any rate, it was a fine weekend, and it's only Saturday night!


*I was feeling very Sarah, Plain and Tall as I did this; I intend to mail some of these "treasures" (shells, coral, and the like) to some of my "mainland" friends.
**You only butter the part you're eating at the very moment--cutting it in half and eating it like a butter sandwich is a terrible faux pas!  I usually avoid this awkwardness altogether by eating the entire roll at once.